Last weekend, I was my cousin's plus one at a wedding, which is always fun, because as a plus one you can be as judgmental as you want about the wedding and reception and have zero guilt about it. For example, the bridesmaids dresses were mint green floor length satin with baby pink sashes. WHY on earth would you do that to your best friends?!? I actually overheard one of them talking about how they "could totally have it hemmed and wear it again as a cocktail dress." Oh really? Is Baby Bop having a cocktail party? Because that is pretty much the only occasion for which I can ever imagine wearing a pastel green dress in any style. I know this because I HAVE a (much prettier) pastel green dress from David's Bridal hanging in my closet at my parents house, and while it looked perfect on the day I wore it, it will likely never make an appearance again. Of course, I could always dress up like faberge egg for halloween...
Anyway, as mentioned yesterday, this weekend was the wedding of one of my dear friends from college. Fortunately, her bridesmaids' dresses were lovely and totally re-wearable (kudos to the bride on that one). But unfortunately, instead of being the completely random date attending solely for the free food and booze, I came alone and actually had to converse with the other guests, most of whom were minor acquaintances (read: Facebook friends) from college. During every conversation, the same thought kept running through my head: did this person make the cut when I did my post-college Facebook purge 2 months ago. A word to the wise: when impulsively deleting 500"friendships," it's not a bad idea to take a moment and think about the chance that you might actually have to face them again at a less-disposable friend's wedding. Whoops.
The conclusion I have come to is this: if you are single, weddings are not really that much fun. The exception, of course, is for those in the bridal party or close relatives and friends who know lots of the guests-- they can boogie without shame. For the rest of us, weddings are really just a cross between high school reunions and high school dances. On the reunion side, there are the aforementioned chats with people you never really liked or expected to see again. And the fact that you have to look good and make your job sound exciting and exotic (if you, like myself, are not in med school and about to start your second full-time internship after college, good luck with that one). On the high-school dance side, there is the singles table, which might as well be the punch bowl at homecoming that year you thought it would be a good idea to go "stag." Then the dancing begins, which is fine when everyone's doing the cupid shuffle, but the minute the DJ decides to take it slow-- if you're anything like me, you're headed for a refill on that awful glass of white zin you just chugged.
Case in point: last night I knew no males at the wedding. No biggie. Until, no lie, "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" by Aerosmith starts playing. (Um, hello, flashback to 7th grade!!) At this point, I am already off the dance floor, so I've dodged the embarrassment of having to bashfully exit when a slow song begins, and I'm talking to one of the bridesmaids. Mid chat, one of the groomsmen comes up to her and asks her to dance--totally legit. So I turn to talk to another friend, who is behind me. Or was behind me. except she got asked to dance at the exact same time as the bridesmaid I was talking to and is now exiting stage left. Cut to me standing awkwardly in front of a table of people I don't know. It was like a moment straight out of a John Hughes film, and I was Anthony Michael Hall.
Ever the resilient one, I managed to bounce back and cut a rug on the fast songs. I even had one sweaty-palmed slow dance with one of the groom's teammates from JMU track. But the highlight of the night by far was when the groom's grandmother tracked me down to tell me that she "had watched me all night and I did I know that I was stunning?" (Do you know that you are the sweetest woman ever and maybe just redeemed my night of shame??)
Still, you better believe that when Beyonce started belting "All the Single Ladies," I was leading the conga line! Hey girl, heyyyy!
Which reminds me... SOTD, June 7, 2009:
No explanation necessary.