Song of the Day: "Home," by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros

I'm headed back to Virginia tonight. For four days, I will not think about my future or my past or any of the stresses that seem to weigh on me every day I'm out here. Instead, I'll hug my brothers and kiss my dad and snuggle on the couch with my mom. I'll eat barbecue and drink sweet tea and watch lots of football.

Of course, I know that when I fly back to Seattle on Monday morning, my heart will be aching and my head will be spinning with thoughts of home, and I'll still be wondering if I'll ever find my place in the world.

So what is it about home that means so much to me? I've written about this before.. but it's something I've been thinking about a lot over the past year.

I've always envied those people who've lived in the same place their whole lives. Who have all of their family in one place. Whose friends have known them since they were babies, because they're the children of parents whose friends have known them since they were babies, and so on, and so on..

But then I look at Jesus, who was essentially homeless, who was rejected by his hometown, who in Matthew 10 tells me that if I love my mother and father more than I love him, I'm not worthy of being his.

That's a hard pill to swallow.

Isn't this the same guy who just one chapter later says "Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest for your soul."

I've been stuck on these passages for a few days now, trying to sort this all out.

This is what I've got so far: I think Jesus wants to be our home, our comfort, our family. And that home can be anywhere, because he is everywhere. Not only that, but he also calls us to love others like family, to open our hearts and lay down roots with everyone, not just those we've known since birth.

Does that mean I won't cry when I step off the plane tomorrow morning and see my brothers and parents and grandparents waiting for me? Absolutely not. My family is a blessing that I've learned not to take for granted. But I'm also learning that family is not my God. So when I fly west again on Monday, maybe I'll be able to hold back the tears and trust that in Christ, home comes with me wherever I go.

Ingrid.

I've told you more than once about my love for Ingrid Michaelson.

But seriously.

I think Ingrid is my musical soulmate, at least for this season of my life. Her music was an emotional touchstone throughout my transition to Seattle, and her words do much better than mine to express the angst and frustrations that a creative, independent woman feels in her 20's. I can't count the number of times I've listened to "Maybe" or "Are we there yet" while thinking about the uncertainties of my future and the people and places I've let go of over the past few years. Or the times I've sung along to "Be Ok" and "Winter Song" on the verge of tears because in those songs I can hang on, knowing that someone else feels what do.

So, I'm kind of a big fan, ok?

And tonight, I finally got to see Ingrid live.

Since it's almost 1am and I have to telefund from 10am-5pm tomorrow (awesome life, right?), I've reduced my review of the show to a Letterman late-night top 10... except I'm tired, so it's going to be reduced to a top 5. Without any further ado:

The Top 5 Reasons Ingrid Michaelson is even better live than she is on my ipod. (Alternate title: Top 10 Reasons I want to be Ingrid's BFFAE)

5. She quoted bon-qui-qui. No joke. In her intro to "once was love" (which she dedicated to lee-anne rimes, fyi) she said that if a man doesn't treat a lady right anymore he "GOTS TO GO."

4. She's really funny. Watching her live was like watching a variety show. Stand-up comedy, music, and.. of course, dance numbers (see #1)

3. She covered night swimming by REM with just her voice and a looping pedal. And told a really funny story about the first time she did the song at Carnegie Hall and then got drunk and embarrassed herself in front of frontman Michael Stipe.



2. She totally mocked the whole encore tradition by hiding with her band underneath a sheet onstage while everyone clapped. Then, when they actually performed the encore it was a 90's punk-rock version of "The Way I Am." I felt like I was on the set of 10 things I Hate About You.

1. The last song in her set was Toxic by Britney Spears. Which was then followed by a glee-style choreographed dance/bow to the original. Complete with a secret handshake.



All in all, a fantastic night out. Next up: Sufjan Stevens on Saturday. Get jealous.

Freelance

Life in Seattle has gotten crazy busy. Which, given the weather these days, is probably a good thing.

For the first time since graduating from college, my schedule hasn't been dictated by a full time internship, which is both liberating and terrifying at the same time. I'm officially a freelance teaching artist, creating and working on all sorts of projects and classes around rain city. Being that a freelance career is a tough one to build (especially in this economy) my newfound job title also means that I'm a part time telemarketer, nanny, and house manager.

I am learning a lot these days about free-time and productivity and how to make the most of a schedule that is ever-changing and ever-confusing. I can't say that I've mastered the to-do list, yet but I am getting good at making them for sure. I'm also becoming a master networker, which, it also turns out, means I can write off about 200 bucks worth of coffee dates when tax time rolls around (what's up self-employment!?)

But besides setting up meetings and drinking coffee and qualifying for food stamps (still), what does a "freelance teaching artist" do, you ask?

Good question.

Well, if you simply split up the word, you've basically got two jobs wrapped up into one.

Basically, I'm an artist who teaches, and a teacher who creates. These days, that looks something like this:

I'm an "apprentice" (read: barely paid) teaching artist at Seattle Children's Theatre. This quarter, that job breaks down into a few specific roles:

-Assisting on an advanced acting class on Monday nights at SCT. The kids in this class are the cream of the crop. Most have been taking acting classes since they were in elementary school, and they're smarter and more dedicated to developing as actors than most of the theatre majors I went to college with (myself included). Needless to day, I'm learning a lot just by observing scene work and curriculum in this class.

-Assisting on a residency that SCT is doing at a failing elementary school in South Seattle. This is a completely different experience than any other class I could assist on at SCT. The kids are largely non-white and very few have had the exposure to theatre that the typical SCT drama school student has had. I'm there two afternoons a week, once with 3-5th graders and then with K-3rd graders. Again, I'm learning a lot about teaching theatre and how to engage with students of all levels and economic backgrounds.

-Assisting and observing one-day workshops and short-term residencies in schools. Assisting on break camps.

Starting next week, I'm teaching drama once a week at Union Gospel Mission in downtown Seattle. UGM is a men's homeless shelter, and the whole project is daunting to me. It's a volunteer gig, completely unpaid, but it's also the type of work that I've always wanted to do, and I've been spending a lot of time lately thinking, reading, praying, and planning for this. I'll let you know how it goes.

There are also several projects coming up for me in the spring. A production of Pinocchio I'm directing at a local elementary school, a professional show I'll be acting in, a few (paid) classes I'll be teaching by myself for local theatres, a two-person grown-up play I'm directing. So I'm spending a lot of time this fall planning and getting excited for those things, as well.

Right now, my "work life" is very far from average, and I expect that it might always be that way. I'm constantly aware of the divide between myself and the "normal" people around me, the non-artists who work consistent schedules and who have benefits and some measure of job security. The people who don't have to work a night job to pay their rent while they get on their feet as an artist. The people who can go to church on Sunday and don't have to rush out after the service to make it to a 10 hour shift at a third job. The people who know how much they'll be making in 6 months and can plan vacations without worrying that a job will come up that might prevent them from traveling. The people who can actually go on a date or join a bible study because they have free time after 5pm every day. I could go on, but I'm starting to cry in a coffee shop (my "office" these days).

It's a hard life, this one that I've landed myself in. But, despite all of these worries and frustrations I've articulated, I know that I really am in the right place. I LOVE teaching at lots of different places, working with adult students and teenagers, and kindergartners, and breaking down a good script as an actor or a director. I don't want to do anything else right now, and I'm blessed enough that I don't have student loans, that my rent is cheap, and that my parents' healthcare plan covers me until I'm 26 (which is sooner than I'd like to admit).

So to sum things up up, I'm taking life a day at a time right now, remembering that each season of life has it's blessings as well as its curses, and choosing to rejoice in the good rather than dwelling on the bad.

I think that's enough of an update for today.

One Year Ago Today...

I was moving into a new apartment in a strange, new city. I only knew one person in Seattle, my now ex-roommate (though definitely not ex-friend) Sarah, and I was scared silly but crazy excited about the year ahead of me.

Now, 12 months, 2 leases, 2 internships, hundreds of cups of coffee, and countless raindrops, tears, and laughs later, I'm as terrified and thrilled as ever about the path ahead of me.

Things are different, to be sure. This time last year I had no idea who my friends would be here, or how I'd get around the city, or even where I'd buy groceries, but I had an internship to go to every day and a guaranteed (albeit tiny) paycheck to count on at the end of every week.

Now, as I embark on the daunting journey that is the life of a freelance teaching artist/actor/director/badass, those questions of friends and traffic and groceries are less daunting. I have my crew, I don't need the GPS most days, and I even have a favorite check-out guy at the Queen Anne Trader Joe's. What requires my trust and prayer now are those bigger questions of how exactly I'll get by month to month. Where will work come from? Am I always going to have to scrape pennies together to pay my rent? Am I going to burn out on juggling so many jobs that I won't have energy left to actually enjoy the thing I'm working so hard to practice? It's definitely a scary and difficult place to be in right now, but somehow I know It's exactly right for me in this time and place... and someday all the growing pains will pay off.

I've always joked that I won't be a grown up until I start sleeping in something other than a twin bed. How fitting, then, that today of all days I should trade in my exactly one-year-old Ikea twin bed for a full mattress and boxspring, left behind for me by a generous friend who had to leave Seattle a few weeks ago.

Hi, Adulthood, I'm Sarah. Nice to meet you.

I think my grandma wants me to become a hooker...

So, I was going to write a lengthy, depressing post about my job hunt and how ready I am to have financial stability and long-term employment. And then I checked my inbox to find this suggestion from my Granny (In all caps, of course, because to get a message all the way from Florida to Seattle requires some yelling.)


HI. SARAH,

FIRST OF ALL, I HEARD ON TV THAT JMU BEAT VA TECH IN FOOTBALL….RAH!!! AN UPSET!

NEXT, I HAVE BEEN THINKING THAT YOU WOULD BE GOOD IN ANOTHER CAREER…….AS A NEWS PERSON, REPORTER, ETC.

FIRST ALL, YOU WOULD NEED TO BLEACH YOUR HAIR TO A VERY LIGHT BLOND…..NEXT, BUY A “RED” DRESS…..MAYBE SLEEVELESS….BUT AT LEAST LOW CUT ENOUGH TO SHOW YOUR CLEAVAGE.

THEN, WHEN OR IF YOU ARE ON TV …AND SITTING….BE SURE TO CROSS YOUR LEGS AND LET THE DRESS CREEP UP PRETTY “FAR”.

YOU HAVE THE OTHER ABILITIES NEEDED….JUST HAVE TO FOLLOW THE ABOVE….LIKE ALL OF THE CURRENT WOMEN WHO ARE REPORTERS, ETC.

GUESS I’M NOT UP ON THE LATEST….BUT NOT SURE WHY SOME OF THESE PEOPLE ARE DRESSED LIKE THEY’RE GOING TO A BALL. ONE LADY ON FOX IS GOOD.

WE MAY GET TO SEE YOU IN NOVEMBER IF AND WHEN YOU COME .

LOVE YA

GRANNY

Changes.

This week:
-I finished my internship at the Seattle Children's Theatre drama school.
-I started my new (temporary-- don't get too excited) job, in the Seattle Children's Theatre phone room. (anyone want to buy a subscription to the upcoming season??)
-I moved out of my old apartment.
-I moved into a new house.
-I painted my bedroom.
-I bought a new dresser at a garage sale (and painted that, too).

Next week:
-I will start looking for a real job (or at least one that will guarantee that I can pay my rent every month).
-I will reapply for food stamps.
-I will find a dentist in Seattle (and pray, pray, PRAY I don't have cavities because I waited this long).
-I will find an eye doctor in Seattle.
-I will finish nesting and acknowledge to the world that I am a real-life resident of Seattle, Washington.

Summer Lovin'

Ok, so lately I have been stinking it up as a blogger.

Life has been CRAZY busy but in a good good way. Here are the bullet points:

-My internship at Seattle Children's Theatre has been AMAZING! I get to go to work every day and play pretend with adorable kids. For example, in last week's classes I was a pirate named Captain Sassypants McGee and I made the kids all talk like pirates for the day. I've assisted on drama classes with kids from ages four to twenty and have loved every minute of it. Now, if only I could find a way to make more than 120 bucks a week doing this...

-At long last, it's sunny in Seattle! While the rest of you have been sweating your faces off in the hot hot heat, we've had highs of 75-80, cool breezes, and sunshine until 8:30 every night. All winter, people told me that the summers here would totally make the awful weather the other nine months out of the year worth it, and, while I'm still not entirely convinced, I must admit, I wouldn't hate a few more summers like this.

-With summer weather has come amazing summer adventures. My cousin visited this past week and we had a blast seeing all the sights. We made a trip to Vancouver. We kayaked on Lake Union. We almost got hit in the face by a fish at Pike Place. We were wined and dined by a kindof big deal Seattle chef. It's been a good week. And this weekend, I'm headed to Mt. Rainier National Park with some of my favorite interns. Woo hoo!

-Despite the lack of fireflies (which you ALL know I'm still bitter about), it turns out summer nights in Seattle aren't so bad, after all (no fireflies = no mosquitoes, for one). I shouldn't go into detail about my evening escapades here, but know that I recently managed to find good ways to fight the chill in the night air. (Um.. new, cute sweaters, obviously! Get your minds out of the gutter, people!)

-Finally, I feel like I've hit my stride in Seattle. Of course, I may very well be singing a different tune in October when it's raining again and I still don't have a job or a boyfriend or any family anywhere nearby. But for now, I love this city and I love my life. I have made some wonderful and FUN friends here, and though I'm still a long way from being where I want to be career-wise (in an income bracket that doesn't qualify me for government assistance, for starters) I'm definitely starting to make a lot of connections with other teaching artists and theatres where I see good potential for at least another year (Possibly more? Who knows?) of life and work here.

I'll work on posting pictures from my adventures soon. But for now, this shot of the view from the SCT west patio will have to do... (have I mentioned that I'm loving my summer??)