At first, this seemed to me the perfect opportunity to go ahead and head back east. My plan was to move to DC as soon as I could. Then I started looking at rent in DC and thinking about trying to start up again as a teaching artist, and I realized that my plan may not be as easy as I thought. So then I thought, "Hey, why not stay in Seattle another year, keep doing what I've been doing and start investigating graduate school opportunities," but then I got hit with that whole homesickness thing, so I second guessed the idea. Lately, I've been playing with the idea of moving back to Richmond, living downtown (definitely NOT with my parents), and substitute teaching / teaching afterschool drama classes until I can figure something new out. But Richmond is a smaller city than Seattle, and while I could certainly get some teaching artist work here, I fear that there won't be as many opportunities to challenge myself as I would like there to be.
And all the while, September 1 gets closer and closer...
In all of this, Robert Frost's The Road Not Taken keeps coming to mind.
|The Road Not Taken|
People constantly mis-read this poem, making an inspirational quote out of the last two lines and completely abandoning the mournful tone of the previous stanzas. But really, the poem is not uplifting; it's incredibly sad. Frost laments that he couldn't take both roads and wonders what his life would have been like if he had made another choice.
I feel that so much these days. Only two years away and coming home pains me more every time. I've become so different from the person I used to be, and so different from the people I used to be comfortable around. I don't think that's a bad thing, or that I did things any better or any worse than they did. It just is how things are, I suppose. I've grown up. And growing up often means saying goodbye. But for how long? If I take another step down this untrodden road, will that step be un-retractable? Is this road ever going to lead me home? Or will home always be where I choose to make it?