Forgive me bloggers, for I have sinned. It has been 22 days since my last post.
Seriously. My apologies for the long absence.
As most of you know, I went home for Christmas-- a trip that ended up being way more difficult than I was expecting it to be. I don't know how I got it into my head that my first visit to the east coast in 4 months was going to be relaxing.. but that's what I was looking forward to. I even brought home some extra work.. thinking I'd actually have time to get a jump start on some projects for the new year. (HA!)
Somehow, it didn't dawn on me just how many people from back east I would want to see-- or how exhausting it would be to squeeze quality time with every dear friend I've had in the past 12 years into a two week visit. (There are still so many more friends that I wish I'd been able to see). Though time at home was much needed-- it was really tough. For the first time it hit me that I live in two different worlds now.
In Virginia, I am so blessed to have this wonderful family, and these beautiful, deep friendships, and hundreds of familiar places and foods and memories. But in Seattle everything is new. And in that, there is so much potential. So many places I haven't seen. So many people I haven't met. Every day is an adventure (albeit a soggy one, sometimes).
In the past few weeks, I've gotten a lot of questions about if/when I'm coming home. I wish I knew the answer. The truth is, I don't even know what "home" means anymore. It terrifies me to think that I could stay out here long term, but I also can't really see myself leaving for at least another year or so. There are too many west coast adventures left to be had. And though I can definitely see myself settling down back east someday, when or how that will ever happen is completely unknown to me.
But the crazy thing is. I'm starting to be ok with that.
The new year went by so fast that I didn't have time to really make any resolutions before I'd already broken them. But I've been doing a lot of self-reflection lately and I've realized that I need to start living in the present. It seems like all of my thoughts lately have either been regrets and "what ifs" about my past or worries and overly idealistic hopes for my future. The truth is, I can't control either. I can't change the choices I've made in the past, and no matter how much I plan for it, the future will always surprise me. So I might as well start living for today. Already God has blessed me with so much! A car, an apartment, an internship where I have free reign to grow and challenge myself, more food than I can actually eat (thank you, intern food drive!), a phenomenal church, girlfriends who already feel like soul sisters... And though there is plenty of uncertainty ahead of me, there's so much to be excited about too.
One last thought before the cheesiest (and possibly greatest) song of the day you will ever see on this blog. Every so often I'll revisit a scripture I know by heart and all of a sudden something new will click for me. This week it was the Lord's prayer. "Give us this day our daily bread." It's a simple supplication I've said a thousand times. But this time it hit me. Jesus never promised us tomorrow. But this day. This day there is bread enough to sustain us.
So without any further ado.. here's my personal song of the year. Try not to judge me too hard.